not so funny...

i think that every once in a while, this blog will serve as a reminder that not every day are my children fun or joyful or obedient (as i hope to remember them being!), and that not all days are funny and fun. :) today, has been one of those days...

Ill start at the beginning.....

Daylight savings time just ended. so of course, my kids have to wake up at 6am. i am NOT a 6am kind of girl. normally i would just drag them into my room with their pillows and blankets, turn on sesame street, and climb back in my warm bed for another hour (or two!), but since we are currently at my parents house, that is not exactly an option.

To top it off, ethan is sick. So i woke up to a sweet little whispering voice of ethan, "mom! mom! yuck!", i sit up, take a sniff, and know immediately that he is covered in puke. all over him, his blanket, his pillow, the playpen. wonderful. i get him out, clean him up, dump the dirty stuff in the hallway to be washed later, and try and get him to lay in bed with me. no such luck.

two minutes later, they are all up. for good. i try and take them to my parents room to turn on the tv, so i can snooze some more.

nope. every two minutes (NOT an eggageration) there is some sort of a fight, kick, scream, or a bathroom cabinet that is not supposed to be open. Scratch the going back to sleep part.

by 730, we're up for good. we do breakfast, toys, and cleanup. more fighting. by 1130 i feel like ive totally lost it.

Caden has been in time out at least 6 times (breaking a clock, taking off his clothes, taking off his clothes again, playing with the hose outside and getting soaked, kicking the dog, hitting his brothers, etc, etc).

Rylan needed to go poop. i sat him on the toilet. 15 minutes later, i finally let him off the toilet, and threaten that he better tell me when he needs to go (because i KNEW he had to go). 10 minutes later, sure enough, im cleaning out another poopy underwear.

ethan was just the normal terror that he is, just slightly slower, since he was sick. in stacies room trying to open nail polish, eating chapstick, playing with her makeup. the normal.

chris gets home from court at 1130, and he could tell by the look on my face, that i was definitely done. he tries to help, but i send him to bed, since he had to leave for work less than 7 hours later.

So in my desperation, i turn to carls jr. we hardly ever play at playplaces (they are just dirty germ infested melting pots), so i only go there when i am absolutely at my wits end. we leave. we get there. it starts raining. we drive home again to get our sweatshirts. we drive back.

the boys are in heaven!! they play for 45 minutes! and im finally feeling happy! i eat some lunch, play on my phone, answer emails, and i dont feel like crying anymore. they eat their lunch without any yelling, which is an absolute miracle. i give them a 5 minute warning that its almost time to go home.

two minutes later, here comes caden, out of the playplace, covered in POOP! diarrhea. lovely. ethan had it yesterday, and apparently its cadens turn. i immediately find rylan and ethan, ban them from the playplace, and leave caden dripping poop on the ground.

i climb all over the playplace, looking for a total of SIX lost shoes. in SIX different places on the three story playplace. also looking for the diarrhea that i know is somewhere in there as well, since there is NO WAY it all stayed on his legs and feet. i find some here, there, all the while yelling at the boys to stay out and put on their shoes.

i mentioned previously that playplaces are germ infested melting pots. obviously my post has reinforced that idea. i was sickened by the thought of some other kid coming out covered in my childs poop, so i did my pest fo clean up every spot i could find. gross. but give me credit- at least i tried!



im on my way back down, and while crawling, stick my hand in a spot of missed diarrhea. even better. awesome.

finally get out, get all three kids, three sweatshirts, and 6 shoes back out to the car. strap in ethan and rylan, and clean caden out in the middle of the parking lot, (since the back of the car is filled with stuff to go to the storage unit). strap a naked caden in. drive home.

today, is definitely not a good day. lets hope for a better one tomorrow.

Rylan ITCHES!

Rylan is playing with his woody doll. he takes woodys arm, puts it around his back and says...

RYLAN- "My back itches. My butt itches.

"Scratch it!"
Chris texted me this one while I was on my way to a photoshoot. I about crashed the car because I laughed so hard. :)

caden and his 'girls'

Lately, Caden has been trying to decide whether or not he 'likes' girls. about a week ago, I was making pancakes for breakfast. Caden originally said that he LOVES pancakes! Then as we waited for them to cook, he apparently changed his mind...

CADEN- "I dont like pancakes!"

ME- "Yes you do, you LOVE pancakes!"

CADEN- "No, i DONT love pancakes... they're not GIRLS!"

Totally cracked me up. Then this morning, Chris was cutting the boy's toenails...

CHRIS- "Are we cutting your toenails to make them all clean for the girls?"

CADEN- "Yes!"

CHRIS- "Are girls pretty?"

CADEN- "Yes!"

CHRIS- "Do you like girls?"

CADEN- " NO! I like MOMMY!"

melt!

Wieners...

tonight, while going to the bathroom before bed...
CADEN (to rylan)- "I have a little wiener.... Daddy have a BIG wiener!"
totally hilarious. keep in mind that we are speaking relatively here... ;) wink wink!

pennies in the radio...

So a couple of weeks ago, the envoy started having problems. out of nowhere, the radio would turn off, the entire dash would go black, and all of the engine lights would flip on (the check engine, low oil, low tires, etc). We immediately took it into Nick snodgrass, our super awesome mechanic.

After a few days, he thought he figured out the problem (lubricated some of the electrical joints or something, i dont know squat about cars)

about 15 minutes after i walk off the lot, it starts doing it again. the next day we take it BACK in to Nicks. three days later, he thinks its fixed AGAIN, and we drive it home. the next morning, chris was driving the boys to the grocery store, when the entire car just stops working. wont turn over, wont start, absolutely NOTHING.

So we have it towed back to Nick. 8 DAYS later, the car is still at nicks. he STILL hasnt figured out the problem, has taken it apart, put it back together, and cant find what the heck the deal is. FINALLY, he takes a look inside the radio (who thinks to look in the radio? a desperate man, im sure!), when he sees some change in there. no, not like a 'change the world' kind of change, but a nickel, dime and a couple pennies kinda change!!! He takes them out, notices a few arcs melted into them and realizes....

My crazy punk kids slipped some change into the radio, and it was short circuit-ing the ENITRE electrical system, so bad that the dumb car wouldnt even start!!! SERIOUSLY- these boys owe me for this one!

short and sweet...

its been a while since i updated this.. so here are a few gems, short and sweet.


Chris ripped a hole in his underwear while at work (definitely not a 'short and sweet' kind of story). He comes home, takes his work pants off, and is walking around the house in his underwear.
Caden follows him around, puzzled look on his face, and says...

CADEN- "Daddy, you broke your butt???"

TOTALLY had me rolling on the floor at that one. he wouldnt stop saying that daddy broke his butt. adorable.


Tonight, Chris was the guest speaker for the cub scouts meeting so he came home in his uniform, with a police car in the driveway. of course, the kids went nuts and wanted to see everything. chris showed them his flashlight, night stick, taser, etc. then tonight, while laying in bed, we were just talking about the day, etc (my FAVORITE part of the day- the say the cutest things right before bed). Rylan chimes in and says...

RYLAN- "Daddy, im a police man! i got my police shirt, i got my police flashlight, i got my stick!. I got my lightning gun! (taser- chris showed him how it works and they saw the electric pulse that looks like a lightning bolt).

"AND i got my gun in my pocket!!" He was sooo excited to pretend to be a policeman like daddy. *MELT!

a little kung fu!

Today has definitely not been one of my shining moments as a mother. the kids have just been on a roll and into EVERYTHING!! This would be expectable, (and even deservable!) if i had been working all day, or ignoring them- but i havent even done that! i even took them to the movies this morning! anyways, so my patience is already dwindled by this point, but here goes...

Caden and ethan keep getting into my room, eating toothpaste, unrolling toilet paper, playing in my jewelry box, etc. i have put them in time out at least twice each. im on my way upstairs to lecture them yet again about not going in mommy's room, when i see hear caden lock the bedroom door (from the inside), step out of the room, push ethan inside, and slam the door.

So ethan is now LOCKED inside the room. and I cant get in. and he cant get out, because his stubby little fingers arent able to turn the lock.


AWESOME.

I call chris to ask him how to unlock the door. if it was one of those regular round door handles, i know how to unlock them, and even take the door handle off, but NO, of course THIS door has to have one of those stupid long, skinny handles. chris tells me to try and stick something into the little hole to unlock the door. i find some allen wrenches.
nope. doesnt work.

so i unscrew the handle, and take it off. so you would think i would be able to see through the hole and unlock the door, right? NOPE. just the inner door mechanism remains. little ethan is crying a little by this point, and keeps trying to open the door.
i fiddle with it for a little longer, before i realize that it is just not going to open for me.


ENTER KUNG FU NINJA MOMMY!

I tell ethan to scoot back, and i start karate chopping at the door. im honestly a bit afraid of my own strength, so i gradually kick harder and harder. these are double doors, mind you, so with every kick, they rattle and bang and are super loud.

Ethan is screaming by this point, and i keep telling him to scoot back from the door (i could only imagine finally kicking to door in, only to have it smash the face of my almost-two year old!)

I suppose the one good aspect of this part, is that at least i get to work out some of that anger i have balled up inside me! i finally start kicking at it with about as much strength as i can master- and


OILA! THE DOOR FINALLY OPENS!

and there sits poor ethan, about 2 feet away from the door, sitting on his bum and clinging to his monkey pillow! poor thing was scared to death.


so THANK YOU Caden. thanks for allowing me the wonderful privilege of kicking the door down, after you so kindly shoved your little brother into a locked room.
yes, many sincere thanks.

Love, Mommy.